Dealing With Anger
Anger is a common and destructive emotion that effects many of us every day. When we are angry and stressed we focus on on someone or something, feel it to be unattractive, exaggerate its bad qualities, and wishes to harm it. For example, when we are angry with our partner, at that moment he or she appears to us as unattractive or unpleasant, we then focus only of the aspects that irritate us and ignore any good qualities and kindness, until we have built up a mental image of an intrinsically faulty person. We then wish to harm them in some way, such as by criticizing or disparaging them.
In ‘Transform Your Life’ Geshe Kelsang Gyatso writes
Because it is based on an exaggeration, anger is an unrealistic mind: the intrinsically faulty person or thing that it focuses on does not in fact exist…..anger is also an extremely destructive mind that serves no useful purpose whatsoever.
How can we begin to manage our own anger, and gain some control over our life? He goes on to say
To solve the problem of anger we first need to recognize the anger within our mind, acknowledge how it harms both ourself and others, and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face of difficulties. We then need to apply practical methods in our daily life to reduce our anger and finally to prevent it from arising at all.
Anger and stress is a response to feelings of unhappiness, which arise whenever we meet with unpleasant circumstances. Whenever we have to put up with something we would rather avoid we can react by feeling unhappy, angry and stressed. We need to find a different way of relating to frustrated desires and unwanted events – we can do this by practicing patience.
Being patient means to welcome wholeheartedly whatever arises, having given up the idea that things should be other than what they are. It is always possible to be patient; there is no situation so bad that it cannot be accepted patiently, with an open, accommodating, and peaceful heart.
As well as thinking in this way, if we do a little meditation every day we can help to manage our anger and stress.
When the turbulence of distracting thoughts subsides and our mind becomes still, a deep happiness and contentment naturally arises from within. This feeling of contentment and well-being helps us to cope with the busyness and difficulties of daily life
To find our more about classes in Preston and Lancashire that teach how to manage anger, stress and explain how to meditate please click here.